It’s been some long months since I am recapping My Immortal, but I finally managed to get through it. At first it’s kind of funny, but as it progresses it gets more and more offending.
I haven’t heard from any of you, so I’m just going to give you my thoughts on this… maybe you want to comment and tell me in retrospect what you hated most about My Immortal.
The most obvious thing to hate My Immortal for is the violation of Harry Potter. As it sure came across, I’m a huge fan. I write (decent) fanfiction about it myself and am really a fan of canon. Magic is barely a thing in My Immortal, crucial rules of the world are ignored, characters are changed beyond recognition and the whole time-thing is just fucked up.
The next thing, as banal as it sounds, is probably spelling and grammar. My English sure is far from perfect, but I’m able to write actual words, as I assume most of you are. I’ll list some of the most hilarious misspellings underneath, though:
- “masticatin'” instead of “masturbating”
- “verility” instead of “virginity”
- “Lumpkin” instead of “Lupin”
- “The Bark Lord” instead of “The Dark Lord”
- “Vlodemort and da Death Deelers” instead of “Voldemort and the Death Eaters”
- “dumblydum” instead of “Dumbledore”
- “dogfather” instead of “godfather”
What made me really angry, though, were “Serious” instead of “Sirius” and “sirius” instead of “serious”. It’s a frequent joke in Marauders- fanfiction and already annoys me but here, it’s not even done on purpose.
Also, My Immortal is beyond confusing. It jumps from one stupid plot-point to another without any coherency. She contradicts herself, mostly in the same chapter (vampires can only be killed with a c-r-o-s-s, no way I’m gonna spell that. We sound like a cross of some bands, though…). It gets even more confusing in later chapters when she’s time-travelling back and forth between her own time and whenever she believes Tom Riddle lived.
What also struck me were her quite obvious prejudices. She started by saying gay guys probably all have AIDS and then tried to undo it by telling us all the time how sexy gay guys are. I can think of some homosexual men who are quite attractive, but there are also some who are not. Has nothing to do with their sexuality, though. Also, not everyone in this world is bisexual. It’s not prove of her openness towards others, but in fact prove of not understanding a thing about tolerance. But if I continue, I’ll get way too deep into this topic, so I’ll just move on.
Making everyone gothic and all the others “preps”. What’s going on? I mean, apart from the fact that Tara obviously doesn’t know much about being gothic.
All those puns (geddit????) and the unnecessary author notes. She has to explain, though, I’ll give her that, because one wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a pun and a spelling mistake.
I have a few favourite moments, though. Or favourite quotes or… you know, the ones that made me laugh.
- ebony’s name is ENOBY – that was just hilarious.
- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS! – Dumblydore’s entrance into this story was The. Best.
- and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) – Yes, Tara, yes. It is stupid.
- “Crookshanks!” – I wish Harry had thought of throwing cat-kneazles at You-Know-Who. He would’ve been easily defeated…
- Professor McGoggle teaches “the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures” – I can’t even with this…
- WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. – This.
- “THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” yelled Cornelia Fudge. – Let the Bark Lord try, pretty please.
- “You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1″ – Without words.
- “You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-” shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came. – That both Snape and Severus exist is just too good.
- “Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den.” said James. – even better when both Snap and Snap exist…
- “I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!” screamed Harry – that still cracks me up.
And now the list of perfectly good things that Tara has ruined by dragging them into her story:
- Harry Potter and all its characters. Especially Dumbledore, Draco, Tom Riddle, Harry, Ron, Hermione… and everyone else.
- Lord of the Rings
- Green Day
- Evanescence and their beautiful song “My Immortal”
- Back to the Future
- time-travel in general
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
- vampires. At least what was left after Twilight.
- And, I bet, a lot of other things that I can’t think of right now, but that will come to mind once I hear of them again…
I thank you all for staying with me through this ordeal and hope you’ll keep up as I get to new, horrifying things. Any suggestions?