Previously: After a great chapter the hacker posted, we got grounded to reality again and suffered through some Draco and Snape action before Ebony returned to the past.
Last week was horrible again. Sometimes I think it can only get better, but I’m always proved wrong. Let’s take a look, shall we?
AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako. if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.
Translation: she thinks we all don’t know who Gerard Way is (whom she spelled wrong, even though he’s her idol) and therefore are preps and posers. Usual blah-blah that I’m going to ignore… she thinks Gerard Way (spelled wrong again) should play Draco. I said that already. THEY DON’T LOOK ALIKE!
Ebony wakes up again, so she still hasn’t died, in Riddle’s time at the Hospital Wing. There is a poster of Marilyn Manson on the wall.
just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr
First off, imagining that someone lived in the 80s doesn’t mean that it’s correct. Also, Panic!At the Disco? THEY’RE NOT GOTHIC! Damn it, Tara!
“OMFG! Im back in Tim again!111” I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!11
Sometimes I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. Satan is actually Voldimort wearing black leather jeans. And again, Tara, you don’t get orgys.
Riddle assures her that she’s not dead “suicidically” and then smokes “sexily”. Ebony gets angry for a hot second at James, who shot her and almost shot Lucius, but Riddle defends him, saying that he had a headache.
They walk outside seductively and meet a guy with bleached-blond hair. Ebony gets angry, because she doesn’t know that guy and then. THEN.
Riddle says that it’s HEDWIG, WITH WHOM HE HAD A THING BUT THEY BROKE UP.
Ebony leads them to the Great Hall where Lucius is angry at James, because he almost shot him. He also claims that Draco and Harry will know never be friends. THEY AREN’T EVEN BORN YET, FOR MERLIN’S SAKE, TARA.
Ebony is beyond happy because now that there’s Hedwig in the picture, she doesn’t have to sleep with Riddle to make him good. If he wasn’t already evil, I bet touching her would make him. Anyway, she tells them to make out and films them with her iPod. (How many times exactly have I ranted about technology and magic?)
Actually, they broke up. Why those telling them to make out magically cure their relationship troubles?
Riddle and Hedwig are in the middle of the usual as the door bursts open and Dumbledore and Mr Noris walk in.
Chapter 42 is called “da blak parade”. I don’t know if this is a song, too, or by whom and really, I don’t care, either.
omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? If dey don’t den JKR is hamophobic!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111
What is it with the long Author Notes? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (I or II??) is supposed to come out soon (movie) (that makes this story how old…?) She thinks Snape will be the same person as You-Know-Who. So – the Dark Lord has always been around in the form of Snape, without murdering Harry’s face off? She also thinks Harry will have to commit suicide so that You-Know-Who has to die… er… Also, she hopes that Draco and Harry will get together and if they don’t, then J.K. Rowling is homophobic. I protest harshly.
Seriously, Tara. I may one day forgive you for everything – but not if you keep up insulting J.K. Rowling. BACK OFF, GIRL. NOW.
Dumbledore has taken away Ebony’s iPod and is now listening to a shitty Avril Lavigne song – which she has on her iPod. Sirius tries to explain that Ebony was only trying to get Hedwig and Riddle back together, but Dumbledore doesn’t really care. He threatens to send them all to Azkaban before switiching to an N’Sync song. Which she has on her iPod!!!
Ebony notices the iPod changing into – guess what – “Morti McFly’s tim machine!11”
Oh man… How does Dumbledore not notice an iPod changing into a car???
Ebony tells them all to jump in and does so herself, but only one of them makes it – Riddle! Maybe he’s gonna murder her in between the times…
Riddle is a little confused as they appear in the common room again and Ebony tells him that they are now in the future.
“OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?” he esked in his sexah voice.
“Um I guezz sand?” I laid confuesdly.
“Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon.” He triumphently giggled.
Er… WUT? Why does that question confirm she is still the same person?
Ebony’s friends walk in and after several clothing descriptions she introduces Riddle to them, who in turn starts to cry. Ebony wonders what’s wrong, but he’s only worried, that now they’re from different times she won’t like him anymore. She tells him she still likes him so that’s that.
Professor Trewlaney walks in and tells Ebony that Britney, the supposed prep, freed Snape, Lupin and Hagrid from Azkaban. She also says that Draco tried to commit suicide after Ebony almost died (?).
“Good luck Tara!11” everyone cried.
I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.
“You fucking bitch!111” I shouted angrily.
“No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!” she laughed.
“Crucious!1” I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.
“No!1 Help me!1 Please!1” Britney screamed terrifiedly.
Sometimes I just have to copy these in because I just don’t know how to get the horror across otherwise. Crucious – still wrong, darling, try again. I hate that the characters in this story just randomly call You-Know-Who “Voldemort”. Terrified to even speak the name, remember? It’s a big deal in the books! DAMN IT. YOU DON’T CALL THE DARK LORD BY HIS NAME.
She meets Harry and asks him about Draco and he gets all, “WTF, I don’t want to see the traitor ever again!” (You see by the lack of spelling mistakes that I’m paraphrasing). Ebony tells him that they need to find Draco and Harry agrees to help. Suddenly, everything goes dark and a Dark Mark appears. They figure that You-Know-Who has arrived and decide to split up in search of Draco.
So, I guess You-Know-Who is coming to kill them once and for all. I’m glad.
Next on My Immortal: We’ll reach the end of this! This is the best news concering this story that there ever was.
I am already planning the wrap-up post, so tell me: what’s your (least) favourite moment of My Immortal? Also: what to do next? If you have any suggestions, please feel free to comment and I will give it a thought.