Recap: My Immortal Chapter 33&34 – Learn the f**cking basics. Literally.

Previously: Lucius was very luscious and Ebony traveled back in time, but sadly returned by falling through the floor.

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don’t lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1

How in hell can anybody spell that bad? Actually, she wants five good reviews and this time, she means it. Meaning last time she demanded good reviews, she didn’t get them. That actually makes me very happy.

Ebony tries to be a good friend-student-whatever and suggest going to the hospital to cure Professor Trewlaney of her addiction. Trewlaney doesn’t want to, and she gets so mad she calls Ebony “Egogy”. She suggest that next time Ebony goes back in “tim”, she asks Tom Andorson for help. WHO THE FUCK IS TOM ANDORSON?

Source: imgur.com

Ebony agrees and goes to leave. She meets Draco at the door. She says he’s wearing a GC shirt that is his panamas. Yup.

“How’d it go Enoby?” he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.

“Fine.” I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

“How far did u go wif Satan?” Drako asked jealously.

“Not 2 far, lol.” I borked.

“Will you hav to do it with him?” Draco asked angstily.

“I hop not 2 far!111” I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.

Not too far? Absolutely nothing happened with Riddle! Also, how does Draco even know that he’s called “Satan”? Why does she have to borke at him? This bitch. This stupid bitch.

Ebony wants to know what happened to Snape and Draco takes her to a room, where Sirius is torturing him. Snape and Lupin, by the way. Lupin. Sirius’ best friend.

“NOOOO PLZ!1111” Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz).

I had my lol-moment of the chapter when I saw that she laughed statistically. Other then that, no, Tara, nothing they could have done justifies torturing them and drinking their blood. Shark Attack 3 has absolutely nothing to do with it.

From torture, they go – following logic or something else – straight to sex.

Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

“Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

“I luv u TaEbory.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol

His wetness? HIS WETNESS??? WHAT? How does any guy put his “wetness” in a girl’s “u-know-what”?
If you’re doing it, you should be able to say it.
I feel like someone needs to explain the basics to Tara again. Like, you don’t get an orgy, girl. You don’t.

Also, TaEbory?

SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1

Sadly, Tara, honey, I have read the story. I have read every single word and it was horrible.

We start the chapter with a long clothing description. Then, “Sorious” “cocks” on the door. He calls her “Ibony” as she opens and tells her to go to Professor Trelawney. She’s really sad about it, too, because she was thinking about either listening to music or sleeping with Draco, so, plans ruined, I guess.

She asks about Snape and Lupin and Sirius explained that he tortured them and that they are in “Abkhazian” now. Azkaban, honey. Azkaban. Then, Ebony asks about Draco and Harry.

“Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”

Source: hell-yeah-the-vampire-diaries.tumblr.com

They go into Professor Trewlaney’s office, where said teacher is drinking Volximortserum. She tells Ebony that she has to do another “session”, meaning travelling back in time. So Ebony jumps into the Pensieve again and lands in the Great Hall, where she finds herself eating Count Chocula.

She sits next to Riddle as she notices someone (including three dots, guys, it’s a suspensful moment) drinking a “portent”.

“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…..Ebony?”

Loads of suspensful moments. Also, Professor Slutborn??? DAFUQ? That is not all right. Poor ol’ Slughorn doesn’t deserve this.

Riddle tells her that Marilyn Manson is having a conercet in “Hogsemade” that night and they they’re showing a movie before it.

“Well……want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?”

This is so wrong. You know things are completely ruined when Tom Riddle asks a thing like Egogy out for a date. And what’s with the dots, Tara, what’s with the dots?

Next on My Immortal: Tara promises to end this story really soon. That’s all that matters.

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