Previously: Draco nearly got “rapped” by Snap in a bathroom. Also, Severus and Snape have a conversation and it confused the fuck out of me.
AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111
Translation? Who ever “quiephs” are, they should remain silent. She doesn’t want us to call Ebony a Mary-Sue, because we don’t know what’s going to happen. I do know what’s going to happen and I will never stop calling Ebony a Mary-Sue. She’s the epitome of a Mary-Sue.
“I always knew u were on Voldemort’s side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111).”
A) Tara’s not allowed to ruin something entirely good AGAIN. B) It was funny in Buffy, but it’s not funny here, because Tara can’t spell the actual word, so… fail.
Ebony suddenly pulls out some “Volremortserum”. She gives it to Severus who makes Snape drink it. What’s going on??
Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes.
Luscious? Just for my own, personal amusement:
lus·cious [luhsh-uhs], adjective
1. highly pleasing to the taste or smell: luscious peaches.
2. richly satisfying to the senses or the mind: the luscious style of his poetry.
3. richly adorned; luxurious: luscious furnishings.
4. arousing physical, or sexual, desire; voluptuous: a luscious figure.
5. sweet to excess; cloying.
Ebony follows Professor Trewlaney to a dark room and Hermione follows. She gives Ebony a shopping bag from Tom Rid’s store, and instead of saying: it’s a dress, she just mysteriously says, “U will c” when asked about it.
In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg.
What exactly is a tite low-smut black leather gothic dress? I take that back. I don’t want to know.
She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. “After an hour use da time torner to go back here.” Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B’loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me.
Why does she need a gun? (why are there even guns???) Also, Redisnet Evill? ROFL. She almost got Time-Turner right, but I don’t get why they’re sending her through a Pensieve. Look, a Pensieve is to store your memories, once in it you can’t interact with anyone, it’s like you were in a film. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU GO BACK IN TIME!
Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.
I spent five minutes trying to jump sexily and another five imagining how she jumps into a Pensieve.
She’s suddenly in front of the school – Time Turner doesn’t change your location! – and meets “one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen.” She describes him for a bit and then tells us who its:
It was….Tom Bombodil!1111
In all seriousness. YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO RUIN LORD OF THE RINGS. Tom Bombadil’s a great character, too. That goes straight to my “What I Hate About My Immortal”-list.
AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111
Apparently, Tara knows his name isn’t Tom Bombadil (or bodil or whatever). I wonder how she made such a mistake, since it would require her reading Lord of the Rings. Maybe she is a troll, after all. Anyways, I won’t translate the rest, I’ll just say: I will rather not.
She tells Tom who she is and he answers:
“Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”
No! Satan is not his middle name! It’s Marvolo. Tom Marvolo Riddle. It’s necessary for that letter re-arranging-trick.
I’m just going to completely copy what comes in the next passage:
“Hey Satan…..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.
“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s)
“omg me too!” I replied happily.
“guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered.
“hogsment?” I asked.
“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“
‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.
He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.
First things first. Tom Riddle didn’t go to Hogwarts in the freaking 80’s. That was the 40’s, for Merlin’s sake. The whole of Harry Potter is set in the 90’s! Second, how would he know that they will someday change names of shops and villages (which they didn’t, by the way. At least the village. I don’t know about Hot Topic but I suppose it’s the same there)? Next, Green Day got famous 1994 with “Dookie”. So that wasn’t the 80’s, either. And just because a song has an 80’s-sound, that doesn’t mean that it’s known in the 80’s. All this just DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.
Tom tells her that he’s in Slytherin (surprise) and then Dumbledore appears on his broomstick and scolds them for talking in the corridors. Because, sure, that’s what he did back in the day.
Tom says that Dumbledore hates him because he’s gothic and all that jazz, but Ebony says:
I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord.”
“wtf?” he asked angrily.
“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly.
How does it keep getting worse?
Suddenly, the floor opens – AND THEN SHE DIES! Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen, but she falls and Tom casually asks where she’s going. Ebony falls back out of the Pensieve and meets “dumblydum” who tries to be “goffik”. I didn’t catch how, but meh. Professor Trewlaney appears and she has shortly forgotten about Ebony and time-travelling and stuff.
Trewlaney starts crying tears of blood. Is she a vampire, too? She shouldn’t be, mind, but crying tears of blood is always worrying. She admits that she was drinking Volremortserum and thinks she’s addicted to it.
I think I missed out on that earlier. It’s not Volremortserum, okay, it has nothing to do with You-Know-Who, it’s Veritaserum and is a Truth Potion. And you can’t get addicted to it. Even if you could, how would that happen? Who would drink that so often that he would become addicted? Being forced to tell the absolute truth all the time is not so fun. SO WHY?
Luckily, I have reached the end of this chapter.
Next on My Immortal: Self-insertion fail by Tara and there is another concert in Hogsmeade. Hogsemade. Hogsment. Or whatever.
And just in case you were wondering. Yes, I love my Buffy gifs. Have yourself a lovely day :)