Recap: My Immortal Chapter 19&20 – I pity Dobby

Previously: Ebony and Draco are saved from Vlodemort and da Death Deelers by Dumbledore,
who Ebony believes to be in his midlife-crisis

I promised you horrible things and I’ll be true to my word. But let’s start at the beginning:

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

I had a really hard time with this. Translation: She thinks we’re jealous. Of what, I don’t know. I think next is: From now on, I’m going to delete your mean reviews. Well, do it if you want. Also, Ebony is a pureblood. No. No she’s not. Considering all I know about her, she’s definitely not a pureblood.

The MCR concert has been “postphoned”, so they are looking forward to it. Draco is all secretive and sensitive for some reason.

No one fucking understands me!1″ he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik)

Draco doesn’t look like Bille Joe Armstrong in any way. AND KEEP AWAY FROM BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS! Her puns are getting worse and worse.

Ebony is pissed because this is not about her and she takes off. Hagrid appears and Ebony claims that he has apparated. I said that once already, but whatever: You cannot apparate inside of Hogwarts. That spell can be lifted occasionally, however, e.g. for apparition lessons.

Hagrid is not alone, though. Ebony hopes it’s “Tom Rid or maybe Draco”, but in truth it’s Dumblydore. He wants to know what to wear for the concert. Ebony’s all “ZOMG, you know MCR?”, but Dumbledore only wants to go because all “goffik” people go.

Quelle: gifs-for-the-masses

Also, he tells her, Draco has a surprise for her.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

Translation: She doesn’t care what we think (that’s news). She’ll be on vacation in Transylvania for the next 3 days. Doesn’t she live in the US? She’s only going to Romania for three days? Apart from that, that sounds like a great opportunity for “And Then She Dies”.

Ebony is preparing for the concert when someone knocks on her door. She hopes it’s Draco (so they can do it again – I think she forgot their fight. Coherency is not Tara’s thing), but it turns out that it’s Loopin.

“R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

Yeah. Sure he told you. Also, you told US that they were going to St.Mango’s. Stick with your fucking plot-lines.

“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.

These puns, they’re killing me. Anyways, Ebony doesn’t want to “burrow” him any “condemns”, but I’m impressed that Tara thought of contraception.

She finishes her make-up and leaves her room. There’s a grape coming up, guys, and I’m really, truly sorry that you have to endure that with me.

Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1


“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)

First. Lupin and Snape are not doing it in the middle of an empty corridor. Dobby does not watch. Snape has NOT moved to Gryffindor House. Also, why did Lupin need condoms? I assume he doesn’t have an STD or something and it’s quite unlikely that Snape is going to get pregnant, right?

“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Lumpkin shouted angrily.

Great, Tara, you spelled something. Don’t expect applause. And – Lumpkin? I was sure he was called Loopin!

Ebony produces a camera out of nowhere which I would assume to be magic, but I haven’t seen her doing any magic so far, so… Anyways, she takes pictures to blackmail them. I don’t think a digital camera would work at Hogwarts. Electronic devices get mad all around it, too much magic, you see.

Snake and Lumpkin are chasing Ebony, but she throws her “wound” at him and they’re tripping over it. If she meant her wand, I have to tell you know, Tara, this is not what you use a wand for.

Then, she meets Harry. She asks him about Draco.

“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”

Yes, she does and following that decision, they go to Hogsmeade in Harry’s flying car which his “dogfather” Serious Black gave him. Dogfather would be a hilarious pun if we could assume that it was intentional. Serious/Sirius is a pretty bad one, though.

At the concert they start “frenching” while moshing, and Ebony almost gets an orgasm because of how hot Gerard Way looks. Suddenly, Ebony hears someone crying. Over the loud music and stuff, but meh…

….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.

Next on My Immortal: Mr Norris and his cat, Filth, almost find Harry and Ebony under their “blak invincibility coke”. 

Have yourself a lovely day :)


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