Previously: We suffered from a weird time-jump and met Tom Rid, a creepy shop-owner.
Last time, the sweater fight escalated. This time, Tara tries to make it a bit better again.
AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn’t rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!
Translation: If we’re preps then we shouldn’t read this. We’ll find out if we’re preps when we take a quiz on her homepage. Also, Willow isn’t really a prep. She begs Raven to “do this” (beta-read??). Even Tara must’ve realized that her writing is hardly understandable.
Tom Riddle gives them some clothes for free, because, remember, in this fic he’s a shopowner. Also, he’s supposedly into clothing and stuff, because he’s bisexual. My poor, poor Tom.
Remember, last chapter ended with a cliff-hanger-thingie, where Hagrid flew in on his broom saying that Ebony has to come back to the school. They ignore him and then shout at him.
Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. “WTF Hargrid?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily.
“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said.
“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Willow’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
She really tries to make up with Raven again, right? It’s silly, though, because she told us how Willow was murdered last chapter. Also, thin enough to be anorexic isn’t a compliment. That’s worrying.
B’loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now.
First of all, B’loody Mart. LOL. Second, Dracula is spelled with a “u”. He wasn’t called Navel, but Neville if I conclude correctly. He’s the second character that was kidnapped at birth. Also, how can vampires “dye” in a car crash?
This story is a violation of everything that is good and right. In Harry Potter. And in the whole world.
Well anyway we al went 2 Draco’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak.
Mercy-Bens? I want you to feel like I repeated all that stuff from Chapter 3 or something about Muggle cars. His dad is called Lucius. Lucius Malfoy. Not Lucian. Do you know what the real Draco would tell you now, Tara?
Also, “we did pot, coke and crak” explains a lot.
We get that paragraph about the concert again, including “Vlodemort and da Death Deelers”. Everyone runs away but “Draco and I came.” All right, then.
You-Know-Who tells them that he’ll kill them now because Ebony hasn’t killed Harry. They beg for their lives (as if that would help) but are safed by a gothic man with “lung black hair and a looong black bread”. Also, his robes are saying “Avril Lavigne”. Avril Lavigne isn’t gothic at all! But why am I talking? Those other bands are not truly gothic, either.
Anyways, that man with the burned bread is Dumblydore.
AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!
Translation: We’re “fuken” preps if we’re “flamming”. Raven is helping her again and has given her the sweater back. Dumbledore isn’t only swearing because of the headache, but also because he’s trying to be gothic.
She wakes up the next day in her coffin, and then she walks out of it. Sure. Because I always walk out of the coffin I slept in. I’m warning you, there’s a very small grape coming up:
Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)
In Chapter 4, “you-know-what” was her vagina. Now “you-know-what” refers to intercourse. If you’re using non-descriptions at least stick with them!
Tara, you don’t run on a broom! Also, you can’t just fly into Hogwarts. Again, protection spells, high walls etc. etc… Also, brooms are not black with blood-red “broom-stuff”.
Next day, they go to the Great Hall which was originally painted pink (NO, IT WASN’T!) and is now painted black and bears posters of “poser bands” like the Backstreet Boys and Ashlee Simpson. Ashlee Simpson is not a band, hun, she’s a singer. Also, the Backstreet Boys are not “posers”, but just a boy-band from the 90’s.
She meets with all her crazy gothic friends and they start talking about “who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong”. YOU STICK AWAY FROM GREEN DAY YOU *** ****!
Then, Dumbledore appears, still with his burned bread.
“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”
Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.
“BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.
“What a fucking poser!” Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Willow shouted.
Okay. Okay… breathe… okay.
Why did she spell Gryffindor like that? It looks horrible! And why would the Gryffindors be posers? I don’t think Tara has any idea what posers actually are.
Dumbledore is not called Albert. His name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Albus, not Albert. Also, he doesn’t have a mid-life crisis. He’s definitely too old to have a “mid-life” crisis.
Transformation is not the subject, it’s called Transfiguration.
Saying “in a gothic way” is not a pun referring to Gerard Way. It’s no pun at all.
I was so fucking angry.
Yeah. I’m fucking angry, too.
Next on My Immortal: Tara “speld” something and you don’t even want imagine what else is going to happen.
Have yourself a lovely day :)