Previously: Harry and Ebony save Draco from Snaketail in Voldemprt’s lair,and Ebony’s complaining about being too perfect. She’s clearly not a Mary-Sue, though.
Ebony’s really mad now for reasons that I don’t remember. I don’t think it was poor Draco’s fault, but she’s still shouting at him and suggesting that he goes sleep with Harry instead.
Her key has a picture of Marilyn Manson on it (How big is that key?) and he looks “so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire”. I don’t get anything anymore, really.
Suddenly, Ebony realizes that it’s time for Biology class. There is no Biology class at Hogwarts. That’s a Muggle subject, hun. She claims to do some “advanced Biology work”.
She turns a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. That’s not Biology, Tara, that’s Transfiguration. Though I have no idea what good it would do to turn a pentagram into a guitar, but whatever.
The guitar suddenly turns into Draco and I’m one hundred percent positive that this is not possible.
Anyway, Draco proclaims his undying love for “Enoby” (maybe she’s mad at him because he can’t remember her name?) and starts singing, because we’re back at that musical-idea.
His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .
Translation: She wants to know if we find these guys hot, too. If we do not know who they are, we’re finally allowed to leave. Sadly, I know these guys. Bad luck. Maybe next time.
“I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.
Sure. I always compare myself to people I “fukin h8”.
Luckily, this chapter is over now. I skip to Chapter 16 and I don’t think that I’m so lucky anymore.
AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!
This is where it gets really funny. You remember the poster and the sweater? Yeah? Good.
Translation: She wants us all to shut up. Raven sucks, she’s a ** *** and still has Tara’s sweater. She was supposed to read or write this, I can’t tell. Some girl “britney5655” (what a prep name, don’t you think? – no offense. It’s just ridiculous in that context.) taught her Japanese. I need to see it before I believe it.
So, they go to that My Chemical Romance concert in Hogsmeade (NO MUGGLE CONCERTS IN HOGSMEADE!). Both of them think that the lead singer is incredibly sexy.
Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!
Do you see all these dots? And the comma? Do you feel the suspense? Also, it’s not “da Death Dealers”, but the Death Eaters. Apart from that, “Volsemort and da Death Dealers” absolutely sounds like a great band. Better than Ebony’s band at least.
We cut very surprisingly to:
Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them”
I’m confused, but I learned to just go with it in this story. They bicker a bit back and forth about whether they’re going or not. Draco settles it by singing again, and Ebony is “flattened”. She meant flattered, but meh.
You need to see for yourself what happens next:
B’loody Mary was standing there. “Hajimemashite gurl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math.” (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)
“It serves that fuking bich right.” I laughed angrily.
Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. “Maybe Willow will die too.” I said.
“Kawai.” B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”
“Kawai.” I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.
I did a bit of research; and Kawai is spelt wrong. If I am informed correctly it’s “kawaii” and it means something like “cute”. A girl getting murdered and her corpse getting violated isn’t cute at all.
Wasn’t Loopin supposed to go to St.Mango’s for being a pedophile? I think St. Mungo’s would be the right place for him now, seen as he’s also a “necphilak” now.
Also, I wonder why The Nightmare Before Christmas is a gothic movie. I also wonder how one talks in silence.
They decide that they need to go shopping, though not at Hot Topic but at some other stores that Hermione knows off from Dumbledore.
“OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?” I asked quietly.
That just made my day.
They go to the shop and the salesperson is “OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE”. Hotter except not goes along with naked except not.
That salesperson gives her the dress she’d tried for free, because she supposedly looks good in it. I’m going to repeat myself.
That guy reveals that he’s called Tom Rid. Tom Rid as in Tom Marvolo Riddle? As in You-Know-Who? These two are the same person! Currently, he has no nose and red eyes, that’s not hot at all. And just… just… please stay away from my Tom, Tara, please.
While she’s busy bitching at Tom Rid for asking whether they’d see each other that night at the concert, Hagrid flies in on his broom. (Again, can you imagine Hagrid on a broom?)
“OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!”
Next on My Immortal: We are reunited with Volsemort, da Death Dealers and Willow. Oh. And we get to meet Navel.
Have yourself a lovely day :)